The Carson Report: It’s cold!
It’s 36 degrees. The wind is blowing along at a brisk rate. It’s so cold out the polar bears over in the zoo are staying in for the night and reportedly asked the keeper for extra blankets. No blankets for me. I’m out. I’ve just had a good walk.
That’s right. I went for a walk.
Actually, me AND the Master went for a walk. I don’t like walking by myself.
Now you young pups out there may be wondering how you can get your human to leave their warm house to walk the dog on an evening that would make your average Yeti think twice about going out.
It’s easy when you’re a Scottie dog.
I’ve talked about the walk routine before. Tonight was a real test. Because - did I mention it was chilly? - it is freezing cold.
I don’t mind the cold. Aye, I’m a dog from Scotland. We Scots know about that cold wind that blows from the North Sea that can chill you to the bone. But in a world where the choices are staying indoors and listening to bagpipes or going out on the highlands it does seem the Scottish don’t mind cold. That’s me. The crisp wind in my beard. My black fur rippling in the breeze. And I’m strutting down the street, my tartan collar and leash billowing out, on a fine evening for a nice walkies.
How’d I do it? It’s easy. You just do what Scotties dogs do: own the world. It all comes down to the two C’s.
First, there’s confidence. You have to know there will be a walk and then you have to let the world know you know there will be a walk. When they know that you know that they know you know ... wait, this is confusing. If this keeps up I’ll need a nap before I get through my column. But you know what I mean (see what I did there? Clever - that’s an extra C at no charge). Be confident you are going on a walk.
It starts with a determined perkiness. We walk every night around 9 to 10ish. So about that time of evening I get up and start being super active. I bounce around. I look expectantly at the Master. I head to the door. I come back. I head to the door. If the Master gets up I glue myself to his ankles. It all says one thing: it’s walk time *and I know you are taking me on a walk.* No one can deny confidence. Don’t let the issue ever be in doubt.
Of course, this is where you can get resistance. The Master often decides this is a good time to appraise me of the weather. “It’s 36 degrees. It’s too cold.” Isn’t that nice to know? But it means nothing! Not one thing. It means less than a Corgi owner saying he doesn’t mind the shedding. Ha ha ha - of course he does (no one likes wading through ankle deep fur every other day) and no I don’t care about the weather. SO DO NOT ACT AS IF YOU EVEN HEARD WHAT YOUR HUMAN SAID. That’s not hard for us Scotties, is it? Selective hearing is something we were born with. Just keep going as if nothing happened. More perkiness. More activity. More confidence.
If that doesn’t get the leash off the hook then you may have to go for the nuclear option. That is the second “C.” You gotta wait on this. Don’t overplay. Don’t go for it too soon. Wait. Wait some more. But when it looks like things might not work be ready. Stop all that activity and give the human that Scottie smile. Then open those big brownies wide. Give him the cute look. The second C is Cute. Give him that cute Scottie dog look.
It works. It does. If it doesn’t just add a little head tilt. No one has ever even come close to resisting a smiley Scottie giving the cute look.
Remember, don’t whine. Scotties do not whine. You whine when you don’t get your way and we are most certainly getting our way. We’re going walking. It’s only a matter of time. Perky. Activity. All that you always do when you go for a walk. It will happen. It IS happening. Then a smile and the look. Rinse and repeat. Confident and cute.
Never doubt yourself. The Scottie is in charge. It’s just a matter of helping the human understand that. Next thing you know the Master says “Well I guess we’re going for a walk.” And out the door we went.
To tell you the truth, it was kinda cold! And now I’m a little worn out. Guess I’d better nap!